The Sexiest Man on TV: Captain Jean-Luc Picard

The other day a female friend of mine asked me a rather thought-provoking question: "Who is the sexiest man on television?" While this question might produce some hesitation and pondering among others, I immediately knew my answer. Without hesitation I blurted out, "Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise." I might also have added, "make it so" (Picard's iconic catch phrase.) My female friend stared at me, wide-eyed and confused. So let me explain.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard is a Star Trek character portrayed by Patrick Stewart. He appears in the television series, Star Trek: The Next Generation and the feature films, Star Trek Generations, Star Trek: First Contact, Star Trek: Insurrection, and Star Trek Nemesis. He also made an appearance in the pilot episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Picard is depicted as deeply moral, highly logical, and cerebral. He is a master of diplomacy and debate who resolves seemingly intractable issues between multiple parties. Though such resolutions are usually peaceful, Picard is also shown using his remarkable tactical skills in situations when it is required. 

Okay, so even with this description you still might be a tad confused as to why I label this man as the sexiest on television. The thing is, I practically grew up raised on Star Trek: The Next Generation. My mother developed a Trek habit while I was in utero, watching Shatner and Nimoy in late-night syndication while I bounced around her insomniac belly. And she viewed TNG as a virtuous bit of television, whose plots and philosophical think-pieces were the perfect antidote to the mindless timesuck of soap operas. So instead of love triangles and sleazy affairs, I spent my elementary school years with aspirant androids and Wesley Crusher. My cousin also adored anything sci-fi related, so many a dinner were spent watching Picard boldly commandeer his ship around the treacherous universe. 

Clearly, I was captivated by this powerful man at a very young age. And my fascination of him continued throughout my youth. But this wasn't enough to convince my friend that Jean-Luc Piccard is the sexiest man alive. To further my point, I made a list:

• Picard has a fondness for detective stories, Shakespeare, and horseback riding.  Forsooth! All these activities combined make him awesome.

• He is frequently shown drinking Earl Grey tea and issuing his famous taglines, "Engage" (when going to warp) and, "Make it so" (when giving an order). Seriously now, who else will drink Earl Grey tea and actually LIKE it? Who else will issue forth such commanding orders with as much confident authority as him? No one, that's who. 

• Jean-Luc was born in La Barre, France, which means he is fluent in French. And I'm not talking about the butchered Quebec French where everything is Bonhomme de Neige and poutine, I'm talking about that sexy Parisian language of love and wine. Yeah, he has that.

• Despite his often serious attitude, Picard doesn't mind acting playful and silly from time to time. 

lollerskates!

• He is bald, and he doesn't give a shit. Sure, Picard has lost his hair, but the fact that he couldn't care less makes him insanely attractive. Confidence is key, gentlemen! 

• Jean-Luc Picard is so cool, he doesn’t even have to fly his own ship. He has bitches for that. But if he wanted to, he could control the entire USS Enterprise on his own - without having to stop and ask for directions. ;)

• Q? Pfft. That's just another letter in the alphabet for Picard. 

• Jean-Luc Picard doesn’t scream like a girl when he’s getting tortured. In fact, when faced against the odds, he'll continue to insist that there are "four lights." Picard will certainly never crumble under pressure. 

• Picard fires both photon torpedoes AND phasers at the same time while in battle. He always hits his target. There is nothing sexier than a man with good aim!

• Picard was responsible for Beverly Crusher's husband dying, berated her son constantly in her presence, yet still managed to make her fall for him. No one else could get away with some of the shit he has pulled.

• Picard gets along with the aliens aboard his ship. While sometimes getting into short squabbles with the Borg, Picard ultimately accepts and rejoices in the nationalities of others. (Heck, he even has Whoopi Goldberg working in his bar!) 

• Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him. His subordinates respect him, and he has earned that respect. 

• Jean-Luc knows how to carry a tune - he has played on hundreds of Federation worlds. His heavenly melodies transcend the great barriers of race, culture, and species! 

• Picard only becomes scruffy looking after living a lifetime in an alternate universe created by an extinct civilization. It is obvious he takes the time to care about his personal hygiene. 

• He even looks good in a spandex, one-piece jumpsuit. Lemme tell you, not many men can pull THAT look off! 

• Even when incredibly upset, Picard manages to look like a cute, sleeping kitten. 

• Picard is incredibly intelligent and fluent in many languages - even becoming the first freshmen to win the Academy marathon. 

• Jean-Luc Picard was never the third wheel in an incestuous love triangle. When a woman is with Picard, he focuses on her and her alone. *swoon*

• Even while confronted with countless stressful situations, Picard still takes the time to have a laugh and break out into a random song and dance routine.

So, there you have it. Jean-Luc Picard epitomizes a sexy, confident, cultured man in many different ways. And, well, even if I haven't convinced my female friend (or my awesome blogger readers) yet, I'll take him all for myself, thanks ;)

I can feel your eyes on me, Captain ;) ;) ;)

- Jennie